Have you ever said yes to something when you really wanted to say no? Or stopped yourself from doing something because you were worried about what other people might think?
I think a lot of us do this without even realising it. We want people to like us, we don’t want to disappoint anyone, and sometimes we spend so much time trying to make everyone else happy that we forget about ourselves. When did we start worrying so much about getting everyone’s approval?
When being nice becomes people-pleasing
There’s nothing wrong with being kind or wanting to make people happy, but there’s a huge difference between caring about others and feeling like you have to keep everyone happy - even at your own expense!
Maybe you say yes when you’re exhausted, overthink a conversation for hours or feel guilty for putting your own needs first. Maybe you change parts of yourself depending on who you’re around because you want to fit in.
Over time, it can become difficult to work out what you really want, compared to what you think you should want. Just because you are putting yourself first, does not mean you are a bad person. Not everyone will understand your choices and that’s okay. One of the hardest things about gaining confidence in yourself is so accepting that not everyone will agree with you.
Some people might not understand your decisions. Others might be surprised when you start saying no or doing things differently; however, someone being disappointed in you doesn’t automatically mean you’ve done something wrong. You can love someone and still disagree with them. You can care about someone’s opinion without letting it decide your entire life.
You don’t need everyone to understand your choices for them to be right for you. Start making more room for yourself.
You don’t have to change your entire life overnight. Sometimes, it starts with little things.
- Pause before saying yes. Give yourself time to work out whether you actually want to do something.
- Stop overexplaining. You can say no without writing an entire essay to justify it.
- Make time for things you enjoy. Think about what makes you feel like yourself, outside of what other people expect from you.
- Let yourself change. You’re allowed to have different goals, opinions and dreams as you grow.
- Don’t feel guilty for being uncomfortable. Setting boundaries can feel strange at first, especially if you’re used to putting everyone else first.
A question I think is worth asking yourself is: If I wasn’t worried about disappointing anyone, what would I choose for myself?
You don’t have to act on the answer immediately. Just giving yourself permission to think about it is a start.
At Pamper Align, I believe wellbeing is about making time to reconnect with yourself, mentally and physically.
Practices like yoga, journalling and mindfulness can give you a little space away from the noise of everyday life to check in with how you’re actually feeling.
You spend so much time being there for other people, but you deserve that same care as well. You’re allowed to have your own opinions, follow your own dreams and make choices that other people might not understand.
You can disappoint someone without being a disappointment. Your life isn’t a performance, and you don’t have to get everything right just to be accepted.
So, take a breath, give yourself a little grace and remember that you’re allowed to make room for yourself.